Hola!

Heh, been feeling adventurous lately, wanting to try out many new things in life, such as MMA, learn a new language, and too many to list down. I guess my life will be revolving around the idea of wanting to try out new things to keep life as interesting as possible.

As 2016 is coming to an end, this is kinda a year review post, though I know I shouldn't make resolutions yearly but to continuously make goals based on progress. But anyways, since I did it last year... so might as well continue to set a goal for the upcoming year? (delusional about this method being more effective haha!) Rewinding....



A quick review of 2016:
The start of Y2S2 has been very bad and busy. I think I am someone who cannot multi-task like how I used to. If I were to dedicate myself solely on my committee role, I neglect many stuff, inclusive of relationship, friendship, chances of new friendship, fun, and of course, dance. I tend to put too much priority on my leadership role, ended up sacrificing other aspects instead. I ended up not enjoying dance as much as I thought I would. When I officially stepped down, I felt like I had less commitments and had more time to pursue the things I always wanted to do. Not that having a leadership role is bad for me, but I just gotta learn to cope with having an important role along with living my life altogether.

Competition period was one of the toughest period ever? I don't know. I am just too sick (down with high fever) to even think much during the final days before the competition. I know the friendship between the dance team and I are kinda strained due to my lack of presence due to my commitment to CCA. I try to bond or have fun with them but I just can't click with them? I really tried. As much as I loved how each of you are so unique, interesting and fun to be with, it just can't get past the stage of being team mates to friends, also known as dance acquaintances. Through this period I realized it's easier for me to interact 1-on-1 with people, but tough for me to hang out in a group of new acquaintances. Plus the reason I always isolate myself from the rest is due to someone? There's this mutual exclusive thing going on such that if he's there, I won't be near, and vice versa. It's frustrating (now) when we have so many mutual friends yet can't really hang out together. Another major driving force of my behavior is also the attitude of the team, eg, being lepak and late for practices, etc. When you see everyone doing it, even as I as someone who will always appear early for dance practices, will soon not appear on time. But competition is over, things are over too, I don't wanna talk about it anymore as everyone also want to leave this part of the past behind as memories instead :) On a side note I am thankful for knowing D through this. We went through ups and downs together and we have gotten way closer (almost best friends) than I could have imagined. But things are different now, sighs.

Early 2016 was also a roller coaster ride, having to deal with my own emotions and yours too. Oh well. I still keep screenshots of our conversations, both the good ones and the bad ones. Many things in life I tend to weigh the pros and cons to make a decision, but this has too many pros and cons, it's just hard to make decisions and my mind will always make it neutral because it's just too complicated, giving me a final answer of "so how, now?".  Sometimes I do think about what would the situation be like if we didn't break up, but it's been long over, things wouldn't change (not that I want to patch back or something), but after this incident, I learn to treat myself better, and also learnt a lot. I am much clearer of what I want, and wary of people's behavior too. Too many 'buts' and 'what ifs', but no regrets. It's a good lesson for both of us.

I matured, learnt to take risks and changed quite a bit during May and June, due to T. Of course, because of T, I get to know how humans behave in a different term; it's like an eye-opener for me. It shocked me, in a good way; thus, I learnt from it. Sometimes I do feel resentment towards R, but thanks to him, I learnt not to trust people that easily. Not even sure how but I fell deep into it and believed everything at that point of time, but thank goodness for showing your true self so I learnt. 

Holidays and T made me kinda adventurous too, but it all ended as I went overseas. Korea is a really beautiful place. It was a very last minute decision to sign up for the program as I never had intentions to travel to Korea yet (Taiwan/Japan was my goal initially). The original reason I went was due to the fact that I could clear core modules, but who knew I could have THIS MUCH OF FUN there. I danced sooooo much, made some new dance friends at class. Enjoyed my random trips around Seoul, having me-time really often, and not afraid of people judging? I miss doing vlogs there as I felt that no one would really judge you as we are tourists and it's kinda normal to document it down? :/ Oh well, plus I don't see anyone randomly doing vlogs in SG too :( Had friendship issues with some new SG friends in Korea as well but it helped me to figure out what I really wanted at that time. It hurts so much to not be included, but this had made me stronger and helped me to grow (in terms of friendship) too. Overall, the trip is amazing, and it helped me be slightly more independent and also make life interesting by exploring these places on my own. Many people are afraid of being seen alone, but I would say, this trip made me even sure that I am not afraid to be seen exploring alone. Friends are important too, but I also definitely enjoy spending time alone with myself and go on an adventure/do adventurous stuff like the gyrodrop, LOL. It's definitely okay and nothing wrong to do things alone, and it's fine as long as you enjoy it! :) On a side note, psychology (module taken in korea) has re-ignited my love, once again, after a failed attempt to get my psych major. Possibly considering for further studies if possible? Something to think about.

Y3S1 started well. I had less commitments, and thus, ideal to join more CCAs too. Joined two new CCAs, quite YOLO of me, but I finally get to learn something that I always wanted to learn/do. :) I think we should always pursue the things that you want to do. In life you will only regret the chances you didn't take. Really happy that I get to treat myself better by giving myself the opportunity to learn it. It is also one of the best times of my dance journey as I had finally managed to pass the auditions round in battles (finally??). It's an achievement for me, though it wasn't a solo effort (could probably be partner/team carry), but it's still an achievement. I wouldn't use battles to determine if I had improved, but I will just monitor my own progress based on my weekly lessons and the expansion of my knowledge to be incorporated into my craft. This is also the semester that I was really into studying (LOL WHUTTT?) but yeah I attended most lectures and tutorials, due to the "momentum" built since summer program in Korea. :)

Lastly, I am thankful for the friends that had been with me since the start of this year. One of the friends I had dearly hold on, but things changed so much when school started.
D, I really miss you and want our friendship to be back like before, but it's just too tough with our lives going in different directions now. No matter what, if one day you decide to U-turn, I am always here :) I really cherish you.
I have also gotten much closer with other friends (W, N, S, J & M) and I am grateful and thankful that you guys are still here and I hope this close-ness would go on further :) Thank you for not judging me too. :') It's really hard for me to open up to people unless I feel that I can trust them on my feelings. Anyway, there's still a few of them that I couldn't meet during this holidays though, but definitely still important people to me :) As we age, the social circle just gets smaller and there don't seem to be a reason important enough for me to interact with ALL my current acquaintances to establish a higher level of friendship? I think it's really hard for both sides to keep up too. (How to even meetup with everyone?!) Hmmm, but at the same time I am worried that my social circle is really damn small? Of course, who doesn't want to have more friends?? If have more, also good, but it's just not that easy to open up & let people in. Sometimes, even if I want to, people don't want... I do feel unappreciated by their reply and I would be questioning myself why am I trying so hard when people don't even intend to enter? But I have just gotten used to it and learnt to focus on those that actually are already here and care too. :) Thank you guys.

Realising how this year I am just busy with SOOOO MANY THINGS but didn't have time to spend on other aspects of my life, this is gonna be my goals for 2017:




This post is getting too long, such that I might not even want to read it again. HAHA.